we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
