Buhtt sex?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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