I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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