i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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