had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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