Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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