and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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