I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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