I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
