My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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