well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My penis needs a shock collar
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize