i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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