i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
