Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
