I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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