These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
