in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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