This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
