no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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