I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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