Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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