That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
