I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
