Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
