Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Randomize
