I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
