her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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