her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
