somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
