Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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