Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
