her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
