dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
