It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
