he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
