I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
