Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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