she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
