god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
