I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
