Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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