2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
