Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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