This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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