Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
