we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
