Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Green mimosas i think yes
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
