so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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