I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
