shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
