There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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