Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
