There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
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this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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