just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
