Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
