I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
