We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
