after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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