I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
