If that was your dad, he is hot
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
