Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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