I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
