Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
