it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
