Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
