You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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