My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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