Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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