We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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