I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
