I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
